I had my first appointment with the surgeon at the beginning of January, and it made me feel both better and worse. A lot of questions were answered and I fully understand what is going to happen to me, in regards to the procedure (thank you A-Level Biology) and have more of an idea as to what will happen during the recovery period. One bit that really did cheer me up (weird as it sounds) is finding out that after my op I will be part cow! Going to Agricultural college and always having a love of farms, I find this quite exciting. I also feel that it's going to make me unique, and it's not something that everyone can say has happened to them.
Overall I'm feeling ok currently, but I do go through points where I get upset about it, and really scared. I know it's expected but it's also not nice. Whilst at the hospital, we now have a provisional date. My operation will hopefully be somewhere between the 10th and the 15th of July. This means that if the operation is on the 10th, that will be Day 239. That makes it only 147 days away. Exactly 21 weeks. I will only get final confirmation of this about 10 days before hand, which is something I feel a little odd about, but I understand why it's necessary. It also could be delayed if there are any emergency cases. My surgeon is lovely and my Cardiac Liason nurse Chris, was really reassuring and helpful.
Between now and the op I have to make sure that my teeth are in good health, which having had the check up has highlighted two minor fillings that need to be sealed before then and also I will have to have a scan on my groin to ensure that there are suitable veins in the top of my leg to wire up the Heart/Lung machine that will keep the blood going around my body during the surgery, if the veins and arteries close to my heart are too delicate/ not accesible.
Talking of Heart/ Lung machines, I saw one tonight on the ITV Tonight: From the Heart special and I have to say that really freaked me out. I have no idea what I expected them to look like, but seeing one really scared me and suddenly it seems a little bit more real. Every now and then things remind me of what's going to happen and it all seems a little bit more like it's actually going to happen now and that's a really strange and scary feeling.
With everything that's going on for me personally, National Heart Month and the ITV From the Heart campaign have struck chords with me more than ever. On my Twitter and through this I am trying to become more active in making a difference for my condition, and due to the high possibility of moving to the Leicestershire area after University, I really want to look into the opportunity of regularly volunteering at the hospital with other young people who are going to be having the operation, or similar heart operations during their late teens/ early 20s. I know that for me this part of my life is full of confusion surrounding University and what's going to happen in the future and having this happening at the same time is stressful and inconvenient I really hope that being able to provide someone to talk to who's actually been through it all will be beneficial to some people because I'd really like to have that opportunity right now.
For CHD awareness week I've been wearing at least 1 red thing a day, mainly my lovely red jeans (bought for the Olympics actually, but coming in rather handy) and have been putting more on my Facebook and Twitter to make people aware of conditions. I have noticed that now we're all older and the fact that I'm going to have my operation soon has made some of my friends really curious about my condition. Until now it really hasn't had a great impact on my life and although I've always been totally open about it, my friends have never really thought about it because it never made me stand out as different from any of them. It's nice to see them being interested though and being really supportive. So many of them have already offered to come and keep me company during the first few weeks of recovery where I won't be able to do a great deal. My lovely friend Julie is already planning on her 'Beth-sitting' few days!
I also feel incredibly grateful for my parents and boyfriend. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now and although he has always known about my condition and even come to some of my check ups with me, it really is something new to him and he's been excellent. He is determined to take as much time off work around the operation as my parents are and really is intent on being there just as much as Mum and Dad, which makes me feel so grateful and happy that when I no longer live with my parents, and I have to have more minor operations in the future, that he will be there to help me (it does help that he's probably one of the most level headed and grounded people I have ever met, he's good with coping!).
I also feel incredibly grateful for my parents and boyfriend. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now and although he has always known about my condition and even come to some of my check ups with me, it really is something new to him and he's been excellent. He is determined to take as much time off work around the operation as my parents are and really is intent on being there just as much as Mum and Dad, which makes me feel so grateful and happy that when I no longer live with my parents, and I have to have more minor operations in the future, that he will be there to help me (it does help that he's probably one of the most level headed and grounded people I have ever met, he's good with coping!).
My Parents are going through this for the 3rd time now, but this is the first time that they've had to deal with 'me' as such. The previous two times were just as worrying, but I was a baby so I didn't display the emotions of fear and upset that I do these days, the depression that I am likely to go through and the emotional recovery I will need will have an impact on them, and this is the bit they're doing for the first time.
Over the next few months I have to slim down a bit to help me recover quicker after the surgery, and I have said ever since finding out I was actually going to have surgery that if I'm nice and healthy before going in, I'll recover quicker and it's an opportunity to stay fitter and healthier once I've recovered too. As I always [try and] do, I'm giving up sweets, chocolate, cakes and biscuits (ice cream, desserts etc too) for lent, and this year due to my op I aim to try and keep them out of my diet on week days right up until my operation, in a bid to shed the pounds and be healthier.
I'm not sure how much I will blog between now and just before the operation, because in all honesty, there really won't be much going on. I will be blogging shortly after my birthday in April though, as I plan to ask for donations to Keep The Beat heart charity instead of receiving gifts at my birthday party (21 this year, big party planned!), so I will write and post how much I manage to raise for them.
Restarting the use of my @CHDheartwarrior Twitter now to share things more as and when they happen.
Be Brave, Warriors xxx
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