Scars remind us that the past is real.

Well, as you may or may not remember, a while back I was really nervous about what would happen to my scar, as you can see here. I was worried that it wouldn't look the same and the fact that I was really nervous about it not looking properly healed, as blood and everything makes me really squeamish. Basically, it was due to change and I didn't like that. 

I've been really lucky and although I didn't really like the look of it at first, I got used to it pretty quickly and it's now almost totally healed. This photo was taken last night, which is 24 days after the op and shows nearly the full length of it. All the scabs have gone and it's all just new pink skin underneath, the only bits that are taking everso slightly longer are the very top and very bottom, but only a few millimetres at each end.

I'm so pleased with it, it's extremely neat and healing just like it should. I'm just hoping that nothing goes wrong with it now and it will be as it should be. I'm very grateful to my surgical team for doing such a fantastic job

I'm very very proud of all my scars, they define who I am and show my journey, but the one down my middle is my absolute pride and joy, it's the only one that is ever really on show by any of my clothes, any form of low-ish neck top or dress will show the top of it and it shows who I am. People asked me if I was going to cover it up until it was fully healed, so that other people couldn't see it. I was actually quite offended by that. Of course I wasn't going to, it's me and people have to deal with that, regardless if it wasn't fully healed. There are many things about my body that I am self-conscious about but my scar is definitely not one of them. I have serious scar pride and defend it fiercely. 

9 days after the op I went to town in a sleeveless, fairly low top and showed it off and I was full of pride, it showed what had happened and what I had just come through. 

I will always adore my scar and every time I look down I see it, without fail and it always reminds me of my time at Glenfield and the fact I made it though. 

Every now and then I will post more photos of it, to see how it changes over time and to see how long it takes to get back to how it looked before the op, to the scar that I so didn't want to part with before the op happened. 

I <3 my scar.

Support and Recovery, Part 2.

Here we are, looking back on a post I wrote 116 days before my operation. 

Firstly I can only repeat what I said then about the support. It's been overwhelming, I have received more support than I ever could have imagined, nearly 2000 hits on this, wonderful comments on Facebook and Twitter, texts, emails, cards, presents, people arranging to visit me, it's been fab! Thank you all :) 

Secondly, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do whilst I was recovering. I was still at that time under the impression that it would be 6 weeks until I was totally independent and able to drive again, turns out it's 4, but for the sake of the list we'll see how much we've done half way through those 6 weeks:

1) Shrewsbury Flower Show. CHECK. Yes, we've done this one and it was the best day of my life, I can't describe just how good it really was.

2) Foremark Reservoir: Not done this one yet, hopefully soon! The fact most of my friends actually have jobs makes it hard!

3) The Zoo: Not yet, but it's in the pipeline!

4) Walk down the canal: Not quite, I went for a walk around the village with my best friend last night but the two of us avoided the canal because it was dark. We'll be back down there soon enough.

5) Take me for a picnic: Nope. This makes me sad.

6) Take me to the Mug Tug: CHECK. I kinda took myself, my parents dropped me off their the first Saturday after I came home. I went there to paint a little something for my boyfriends birthday. It's a plate with a Full English painted on it. I also painted myself a 3D word ornament. I chose the word 'Dream'. Pleased with both of them.

7) Go to Bolsover Castle: CHECK. Did that today with Mummy and Daddy Bason. Had a fabby day. I <3 Castles. 

8) Go Birdwatching: No, I haven't done this yet either.

9) Go to a museum I haven't yet been to. Nope, running out of time as well!

10) High Tea: Not yet, but there are plans for this on Thursday, yay!

Overall, it was quite a challenge to fit all these wonderful things into 6 weeks, and to have done 3 already I'm really pleased with, hopefully there will be time to do the others soon as well. 

Name Change.

Hello all. 

I've made a decision to change the name of my blog and like all good decisions it was decided when spending the evening in the pub.

The blog has changed from 'Precious Hearts' to 'Cow Heart Girl' basically because one of my friends compared me to the book/ television show 'Pig Heart Boy' to which I replied 'it's actually Cow Heart Girl'. It's a simple as that! 

Well not quite, said friend* told me that I should rename my blog that and I have for a while been thinking to myself 'I wish I'd named my blog something else'. Partly because although I'm good at spelling, the word 'precious' always catches me out and I always think there should be an extra 's' in it. Also, it wasn't really very catchy and the address was a bit too long, this is short and snappy and I like it. The whole blog was started quite suddenly and I had to think quickly to put it all together, so I think a bit of a revamp is necessary, name, address, background etc.

Not a great deal has happened to do with my heart but it did get me a dedication of one of my favourite band's songs as they performed live last night at the Shrewsbury Flower Show. For my 21st birthday my Mum had written to some of my favourite bands/ singers and Equestrian riders and told them about my upcoming surgery and how she was planning to collate signed photos from said people as a special surprise for my birthday. 

We had been hoping to go to the Flower Show to see them perform but didn't buy tickets until a few days ago, as it was so soon after my surgery I didn't know if I'd be well enough. Since I've recovered so well we decided to definitely go, I thought I'd email them and thank them for the photo and let them know that 16 days later I would be seeing them live. Having only decided to do this the day before the show and having had no response to the email I was very very shocked to hear the lead singer say 'This song is dedicated to Beth Bason'. I screamed and because I was only in the second row of the crowd and stood almost directly in front of him I put my hand up and he saw me and said 'oh she's just down here' and smiled at me. He also smiled and gave me a thumbs up at the end of the song and later on when we were all really dancing and jumping up and down I saw him look across and try and find me and see if I was jumping up and down too and he grinned when he saw I was. He didn't tell people why the song was dedicated to me but they knew and I knew and it really was special.

I was lucky enough to meet one of them (there are 11 in total!) who plays the banjo and mandolin, he's called Benji and was hanging around back stage which you could get to as there was a road running right behind the stage. I thanked him for the dedication and he replied 'Oh was that you? You look great' and we chatted and he said that I was looking really well and hoped I continued to recover well. All in all it was really special and this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gone through this surgery. Sometimes it pays to have a slightly broken heart! 

For those who are wondering, the band are Bellowhead, which you may or may not have heard of. They are a lively folk band who sing all sorts of traditional songs but they are absolutely incredible. There are 11 members of the band and between them must play about 30 different instruments. Their live show is just fantastic and Chris Evans announced on his Radio 2 show on Friday that they were 'the best band I have ever seen perform live, better than The Rolling Stones, The Who, Led Zeppelin and other great rock bands' (for my American friends who read this Chris Evans is a Television Presenter and Radio DJ and his breakfast show on Radio 2 is the most listened to Breakfast Radio Show in the country, he knows his stuff!). There are links to a couple of my favourites by them here and here. If I ever work out how to do it, I'll upload the video I took at the gig last night.

If any of you are interested, I am about to write a whole post on the Shrewsbury Flower Show, which you can see on my other blog here.

So from now on, my Cow Heart Girl blog will proceed with the address 'cowheartgirl.blogspot.co.uk' and I am about to update the background and have just changed my Twitter handle to @CowHeartGirl. I guess it's all been a case of new beginnings since the op and this is also having said makeover.

*Hello Nancia!

Recovery.

I'm home! And I have been since Wednesday.

The Surgery went better than anyone had expected and the whole procedure was done with my heart still beating, which I'll admit, warps my mind! I don't really remember anything (apart from a hazy and horrible memory of having the ventilator out, I was only on it for 3 hours, go me!) until about midnight, where I woke up in ICU having come out of surgery at 4pm. Due to spending most of the day asleep, I annoyingly spent most of the night awake. I had a lovely nurse looking after me called Helen. She was fantastic and made me feel a whole lot better about where I was. Her and the other nurses were absolutely fantastic and at 7am the next morning she went home and a lady called Kat took over. She couldn't have been much older than me, but being stuck there in that hospital bed I felt so young and little and helpless whereas a girl probably only a couple of years older than me was doing her job and being a proper adult and well... yeah. I need to finish Uni and start being a proper adult too, basically.

Once back on the Ward on the Friday Morning, I had a truly brilliant team of staff look after me for the next 5 days. I can't even begin to tell you just how good the staff of Ward 31 are. I had the best stay I could have imagined and once the horrific Chest Drains were out (3, not 1 but 3, it was horrible) I was very comfy and happy there. I had visitors galore and a wonderful surgical team that came to check on my progress every day. I made friends with a lovely lady called Linda, who had the same operation as me the following day, we've swapped details and I aim to see her again when we're both allowed to drive again.  
I was discharged on Wednesday, only 6 days after my surgery and was very glad to be back at home. My pain is controlled well and my 14 tablets a day make me rattle as I walk along! I am recovering better than I expected and better than anyone else expected and am doing much more for myself than I thought possible. Most people who have seen me since I came home say that to look at me, you wouldn't even realise I'd been in surgery 12 days ago. I'm really pleased and look forward to spending my Summer how I wanted, having fun and enjoying my last Summer as a student.

I have so many people to thank for these past few weeks, not only the staff at the hospital, but my family and friends who have given me such amazing and overwhelming support, I couldn't have done it without that, I'd have just found it all too much.

I am using this surgery as a new beginning, once I am able to do so, I will exercise more and more regularly, I aim to try and start and stay on a healthier diet and basically use this to my advantage to stay fitter and healthier and keep my heart as healthy as possible.

This blog will continue, with my progress and with other stuff, I'm sure, but until my appointment at the end of the month I doubt anything will be written here, but if you would like to catch up with my adventures in the mean time, you can do by reading my other blog here. 

Also, you can find me in bite-size form on Twitter, @CHDHeartWarrior.